Have you ever looked at someone and thought to yourself, “How do they do it?”. Or if you’re like me, one thing I always find myself saying is, “I want to be like you when I grow up.”.
Then I started to wonder, when will I grow up? What am I waiting for? What’s stopping me?
I soon realized that I was already in my process of growing, that we grow every day. There is no final destination, nor is there a final product. We don’t only live once, we live every day. Every day is a gift, hence why it’s called the present.
Cliché sayings began to make sense as I pondered. Later, I realized that I was simply waiting for the day that either the Universe or God realizes my worth and finally make my hopes and dreams come true.
But that’s not how it works. That’s not how it works because that was all that I was doing. I put in no effort whatsoever. The only action I took was all in my head, none in motion.
And it was all because I was afraid.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
— Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1933
This quote from The Great Depression is still applicable today. In Roosevelt’s words, fear is a “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance”. To put it simply, fear does not only causes fight or flight, it also causes us to freeze. Instead of advancement, we stay stagnant.
Indeed, it was fear that was stopping me. I was terrified of the judgments of others. Even more so, I was terrified of failure. What I didn’t realize was that my perceived judgments that others might have of me stemmed from my own judgments towards myself. As I learned from the feedback or the lack thereof of others whenever I try to do things a little differently, I set rules and borders that limit me from achieving greater heights. I began holding on to beliefs like “I’m going to fail”, “People will see me as a joke”, or “That isn’t for me”.
Oftentimes, the fear we have is learned from our past mistakes and failures. The look of disappointment or cynicism from the faces of people we love haunts us even till this very day. And so we try our best to avoid it from happening again. We begin to associate new attempts to failure and judgments, and as days go by the association gets stronger. Soon, I realized that my fear of stepping out of my comfort zone had only gotten stronger throughout the years in which I had built that comfort zone itself.
But that’s the thing. Nobody is born a genius, and it is only through failure that we learn.
The most important thing about trying is trying itself. It is only through trying would we know what we could work on and how we can improve. Begin to see failure as a teacher rather than a label. Begin to see failure as an opportunity, as a guide. Begin to see that not meeting our own expectations or that of others does not necessarily mean that we have failed. It simply means that we can do better.
It’s hard, I know. For we all have something that we were once so passionate about, but because of the lack of support in addition to criticisms, we never gave ourselves the chance to explore. Our potentials were left undiscovered. Then, in order to make ourselves feel better for giving up on our dreams, we simply label it as “Not for me”.
Here’s something I always ask myself whenever I catch myself feeling this way: If it’s true that the whole world is stopping you from doing what makes you happy, why are you also stopping yourself? It is enough that the world judges you no matter what you do, so why not do what makes you happy? Why judge yourself for merely wanting to expand your reach?
Judgments will not cease to exist, not in the near future at least. But you can relieve yourself of your own judgments towards yourself. The world is huge, opportunities are everywhere. Why stay contained?
Support and encouragement from the people we care about matters, but the truth is that sometimes we won’t get that. And that is when you need to be your own cheerleader.
Remind yourself that the reason you’re coming out of your comfort zone is simply to reach for the opportunities that are out there. Your success is not measured in terms of how much or whether or not you achieve, it is not measured in terms of your efficiency in learning. Things take time, and the only success worth taking note of is the fact that you tried. Try not to cut yourself off from your journey. The road may be long and winding, and you may not be able to see if you will actually succeed. But even if nothing really comes out of it, that doesn’t mean that you’ve wasted your time.
Yes, there is a possibility in which you don’t achieve what you thought you would achieve. But, if you broaden your focus, you’ll realize that you did learn a thing or two somewhere along the way. It may not be related to whatever you were trying to do, but that knowledge will be useful somewhere somehow. Be patient, be grateful, be free.
I believe that everyone was born with something to give. You may not know what it is yet, but the keyword is ‘yet’. Wouldn’t you agree that the only way to find out is if you allow yourself to be free of limits?
You will make mistakes, and you will fall short. You’re only human after all. But, each time you rise upon every fall, you will come back stronger. I believe that you are only presented with challenges you are strong enough to face, so maybe it’s time you believe in yourself.
The grass may be greener on the other side- could be because they have better fertilizers, or better soil. But none of that matters as long as you water the grass on your side regularly.
The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday, keeping in mind that every day is a chance to do better. Your mistakes or failures do not define you, but rather your strength and attitude in facing them.
Be your own friend, cheer yourself on — always. And when you finally surpass the limits you have set for yourself, you will realize that the next limit is indeed the sky.
